People are so quick to say ‘you must be ok, you look fine’. Trust me if you live with a illness with a non physical element doesn’t make you fine. Far from it. This blog is not about statistics or facts but about how it makes me feel as a person. Its amazing how easily this is overlooked when you get classified as having a ‘Disease’
I have been living with IBD for most of my life. I’m currently 33 years old and it is thought that it was triggered by a bout of food poisoning when I was in Turkey when I was just 18.
I have been to countless doctors/consultants and have tried everything from the regular medical route to homeopathy and even hypnotherapy. In my case nothing has worked.
I fell pregnant at 30 and since I had my daughter TillyMae (mouse) I have been in remission (with flare ups a rarity) for the past 3 years but the last week I have relapsed badly I had forgotten just how dibilitating it is.
My illness manifests itself physically as
- Severe abdominal pain and cramping (to women all i can liken it to is contractions)
- Vomiting/nausea (due to the severity of the pain)
- Intense fatigue
At its worst I was getting taken into hospital at least once a month because the pain was so severe the only thing that Would help was morphine just. I also live with permanent scaring to my stomach from years of scalding hot water bottles which would be the only thing that would give me relief while painkillers were kicking in.
I have tried countless different prescribed and homeopathic drugs to help suppress my illness but nothing has worked and as their is no cure all I can do is manage the pain when it comes. For this I am on Tramadol but i take soluble co codamol when possible, as I throw up I need something that gets into my system before it comes back.
I like to think I am a happy go lucky person but there was a time where all my life existited of was pain and sickness and I was tired of living in that cycle so I planned a way to take my own life, it became more than I thought I could bare. Don’t mistake what I am saying as undiagnosed depression, this was not the case for me it was clarity and What i thought would achieve peace. It’s not that I wanted to die, far from it, I wanted to live but not in the existence I was caught up in.
It took the love and support of my family and close friends to see that where darkness lurks the light is just waiting to come through. They led me through the pain riddled, drug filled, bed ridden days to where I am now a happily married women and a mother. Life now is good, even with the return of my illness I have clarity of a different kind, my sick days are now accompanied by a 3 year old daughter who strokes my back when I’m sick and lays next to me in bed singing songs to make me feel better along side a husband who looks after the little one and brings me everything I need. I realise now I am blessed, illness is not everything in my life now it’s just A SINGLE part.
Education, support, love and understanding are the key to helping us ‘invisible’ sickies