Do you ever think of me.  A open letter to my teen bullies.

Do you ever think of me.  A open letter to my teen bullies.

Hello, do you remember me?

I am the girl that nobody noticed except you and your friends.  You did not notice me because I am kind, patient, loving and accepting but because I looked different. You didn’t choose to get to know me you chose to target me.

Do you ever think of me? What happened to me? How your words and actions affected me?

I can tell you I am well infact my life has worked itself out to be a thing of beauty but no thanks to you all.  I have lifelong fears and doubts about myself that never would have existed without you.  I looked different, it didn’t mean I was a ‘freak’, I liked things you did not this did not mean ‘I deserved it’.

You made my life misery, when I think of that time my world has so muddy and grey with sadness and uncertainty.  I used to fake illness to be sent home rather than have to face you and endure the words you would call me in constant hushed tones so the teacher wouldn’t hear and I would pray the teacher wouldn’t be called out of the room because when this did happen you would send out the call to the others in the class and you would all start on me. You would hit me with ruler, spit at me and throw things among other threats.

I understand now how strong I actually was because you didn’t break me, you could have but I was stronger than that. I can see how people commit suicide because of bullying as I felt I had nowhere to turn even though I have a very loving and supportive family I felt  I couldn’t open up or it would get worse. I only ever made one attempt at getting help. I reached out to a male teacher of importance and without a second thought he replied with ‘what do you think will happen when you dress like that’ ans nothing more was ever mentioned.  I am so thankful that social media didn’t exist or I am unsure of the outcome.  I know bullying is a focus within schools these days but as one of the bullied this only works if it’s seen or heard, my scenario went totally unnoticed.  I was finally caught out by my mum who pinned in a corner and could see through all of the excuses I made until I let the wall down and admitted what was happening.

The impact you have had on me is so significant, my life has been changed because of you but on a positive I am even more accepting of others, more open to new and different things but I will not allow you to take credit for that because it was all me.

I forgive you for what you did to me, I often wonder what made you all so cruel wether you were mistreated from someone?  I hope your life is good that you protect any children you may have and teach them to be better than you were.  Above all else I hope you realise what you did and think about it from time to time with regret.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄

Have a little faith in yourself, you are enough.

Have a little faith in yourself, you are enough.

All of my life I strived to be happy, i ran from anything that didn’t sit right or even slightly felt as if it wasn’t going my way.  Filling life with as much joy as I can cram into my 5 ft 2 body was and always will be, other than my family the driving force in my existence and I feel after 34 years I am finally in a place of self achieved contentment, I am married, I have an amazing family who I love and love me just a feircely and a circle of friends who I would stand with through any battle and a job I love.  This is what I was searching for but not particularly what I thought would bring happiness so be open to the unexpected.

I have recently taken the massive new step, especially considering I usually hate change and finally after 11 years at HMV and gotten myself a brand shiney new job.  I can proudly say that I work for smashbox cosmetics and get to surround myself with makeup all day.  I was past believing that you can start again, that life goes my way sometimes which makes me even more appreciative.  I have always loved makeup and have even gained distinctions at college so I am beyond thrilled in my new job.  I have been welcomed with open hearts by my new work mates which makes everything so much easier.

Anyway I am getting away from my point.  I do and always will have insecurities but they pale in significance to the great things that can be achieved in everyday life.  Life truely did start for me at 30 and here I am 34 and finally living.  I am so excited for the future and look  forward to ticking more things off my newly formed ‘bucket list’ (I have even saved a list on my phone) because I can and I will drive myself to be better, to gain happiness to fill my life with the things I need and want, no more putting it on the back burner.  My dreams vary from small to large but I will be going to IMATS next spring, I will be attending the hyper Japan festival in London next year all of this along side learning some new things, My mother always said that I would be a life long student.  I want to learn how to drive, to learn a new language, to take my little mouse to Disney for her Halloween birthday in a few years and anything else that sparks my interest.  

Alway remember to dream big and live even bigger. You are worthy of good things so grab them and embrace it all because sometimes life is really shitty so while it’s good make it great. 

I need to keep my mind in this frame and keep myself motivated so here we go and I will drop in with my little achievements along the way.  I hope you all share with me your life goals and let’s all move forward and grab life by the balls.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄