Is breast best? 

Is breast best? 


I decided to write this post after a received a message from a fellow mum asking for my opinion on the ongoing debate Breast feeding v bottle feeding.  This is a topic that refuses to desist so here I am to give my personal opinions on it all.  

Tilly Mae is 3 years and 3 months so it has been a while since I had to   Make the choice but the same issues are circling like hawks above new mothers heads and I think it’s getting worse if anything .

Everywhere I have looked lately I have noticed a massive influx in pictures of women breastfeeding or articles about how it’s so much better than bottle feeding. First things first I have no issue with mothers choosing to feed their children from their own milk but I just wish the same courtesy had been extended to me throughout my experience of bottle feeding. From the go I bottle fed and I have no regrets.
 

Anyone reading this who chooses to think that I am in anyway dissing boob feeders can just unlike, unfollow or just generally do one because this is not at all what I am doing.  I also believe that if you choose to breastfeed you should be allowed to and it wherever and whenever it is needed it really bothers me that people have to make such a stand by protesting/posting photographs  for it to be normalised.  

I didn’t even heat my daughters bottles up, I always used room temperature, sterilised formula from day one and I never had any issue but again this is not a blog focusing on how I prepped my child’s food, do what works for you .
I received such judgement from day one from mid wives, nurses, healthcare workers and generally other mothers about my lack of desire to feed Tilly from my own milk. I was made to feel like a bad mum for choosing not to breast feed but I know I am a good mother for choosing what’s I feel more comfortable as an opinion for my child. 
I have just watched a video made by bottle feeding mothers defending themselves which just annoys the heck out of me EVERY SINGLE ONE gave excuses as to why they didn’t breastfeed 
‘It hurt my nipples’

‘I didn’t produce enough milk’

I hate that mothers are made to feel like they need to come up with reasons why the chose formula. Don’t feel pressured to do anything choose your own path. My reason for not breastfeeding is that the thought of it creeped me out, I’m not ashamed of my opinion or my choice because that’s exactly what it is a choice.  
I’m sick of mothers mud slinging at each other for not standing by a certain idea when we should be standing side by side for raising out children the best way we can. It’s yet another non argument that causes such strong reactions within the different fractions.
We are all parents. Bottle feeding was good for me it allowed me the freedom that I wanted, it allowed my husband and family to share in then joy of feeding our daughter and gave me a break when I needed it most.
We would all go mad if it was an argument like ‘what’s the best way to raise a child, within a religious or non religious movement?’ It doesn’t matter, people should just stop it we are all just fighting about what and who’s best when we should be fighting to have all children and parents treated equally regardless of something so trivial as how they are fed.

Signing off with love and lipstick,
Pip 🖤💋💄

Is that my biological clock ticking?

Is that my biological clock ticking?



So we are finally in a settled routine with Tilly and the boys.  School, pickups, drop offs and even the minor things are ironed out and I am a massive fan of routine and I like everything just so.

I went to the doctors who have diagnosed me with abdominal migraines and they have said that I need the coil fitted as my pill is a massive contributing factor to my illness which has stirred up some unknown feelings inside me about having babies.

I am nearly 34 and Tilly will be 4 this year with her brothers being 6 and 11 respectively, if I want another baby now is the time to do it, I’m getting on and when I have the coil fitted it will be in for 3 years and I wouldn’t take it out to try. 

Alex is content to not have anymore but if I wanted to try he would be 100% on board with my decision.  I’m totally torn on the idea.  On one hand I have mouse begging me for a baby sister (she has no idea we don’t choose) and then on the flip side I don’t know if I could go back to the disruption and intensity of having a newborn so I have decided to do what I do what I do best and that’s to make a pro/cons list 

Pros 

  • A live in sibling for mouse.
  • Having a little human who needs us as much as mouse.
  • Carrying a baby inside me, other than the indigestion it was the most amazing experience I have had as a woman.
  • Tilly would have a full time live in sibling.
  • WHO DOESNT LOVE A BABY!!

Cons 

  • Cost (baby’s are expensive)
  • Space (we have a 3 bedroom home, 1 for us, 1 for mouse and 1 for the boys when they come over.
  • Just getting my life back.
  • My dreams of a career change would be on hold again.
  • My age, I wish I had mouse earlier.

I fear my heart is trying to overrule my head.  I never wanted children yet here we are with 3 between us and another seems crazy when I say it out loud but some of the most important humans in my life are my two amazing sisters, my life would be nothing without their love and support and my heart aches that mouse won’t have that relationship, if her siblings lived closer I think my worries would be eased.

This blog isn’t really helping my cause, I’m just as confused as when I started so fingers crossed a decision just comes to me. I know everyone has their thoughts on the matter both to and against but this is solely one only myself and my husband can finally come to.  So who knows what this year will hold for the Flecks.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄

The 10 musical soundtracks to my life so far.

Music has always played a massive part of my life, i have worked in a music shop for over 10 years so it has acted as a soundtrack for some of my most impact I’ve moments.  Here’s 10 of the songs that are important to me.

  1. Lorde- Royals, this was the number one song in the charts when my daughter Tilly Mae was born.  It was played everywhere at the time and will always remind me of that moment of my life.
  2. Hozier – Take me to church.  This was the song I walked down the aisle to on my wedding day.  The words are so impactive to me, it still makes me emotional when I hear it.
  3. Daddy Yankee – Gasolina.  This reggaton hit never fails to make me smile and dance. It makes me think of amazing times of drinking rum (run Thursday) with my friend JBaz. We always have the most fun when we hang out.
  4. Lady Gaga – poker face.  This song along with the whole ‘monster’ album reminds me of going to Japan.  I was so shocked that she was unknown when I went to Tokyo and while I was there here career really took off and all of the clubs played it.
  5. Prince – Purple Rain.  This isn’t particularly my favourite Prince song (I’m a huge fan) but it was the song that first introduced me to the little purple one.  It’s also Tilly’s favourite, it warms my heart everytime she hears the first cord of the guitar and her little face lights up.  It was a pivotal moment to see him play this when I saw him live at the 02 arena in London.
  6. The Contours – Do you love me.  I love every song from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack but this one was also mine and my husbands first dance on our big day.  We even had a little dance routine, which of you know my husband was a massive fear overcome.
  7. John Legend -Refuge.  This reminds me of a really hard time in my life and it the words were so important to me when I really needed to be strong.
  8. Coyote Shivers – Sugarhigh.  From one of my favourite ever movies Empire Records,  like one of the plot lines I always wanted to be a singer but never had the guts to stand up and sing In front of people, after a conversation with a friend a few days ago it looks like this is closer to a reality than I thought.
  9. Paul Simon- father and daughter.  This songs lyrics always make me think of my relationship with my dad.  I am and always have been a daddy’s girl, tears me up every time.  
  10. Mary Mary – Shackles (Praise you).  This song takes me back to a time in life when I lived in my first own home. The specific memory it’s tied to is of me walking home from my job at HMV silverlink and the weather was warm and I never wanted it to end.  I always go back there when I hear it.

I love that music pin points us to such feelings and emotions, that take us to the best and worst moments of life .  Life for me wouldn’t be the same without music it was harder to choose the music to go in our wedding than it was choosing my dress.

These songs are not songs that I listen to all the time nor are they all songs I would particularly listen to if I was stranded on a desert island but they are 10 that mean something to me personally, they have become part of the fabric of my life timeline.
Do you have songs that have changed your life or stir up certain memories? I would love to hear about them.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄

Birthing ain’t no breeze! (My birthing story)


Hi everyone, can you believe it’s 2017.  It blows my mind that this year I will be turning 34 and my daughter TillyMae will be 4 on Halloween.

I can honestly say that I never wanted children, I loved living my own life too much, travelling, going out and doing what I wanted when I wanted to.  Then I found out I was pregnant a week after being made redundant from my job and even then I still didn’t want children but so much had changed in my life, my partner had two children from a previous relationship so it’s not like we were as ‘free’ as I had once been so one of my own wouldn’t hurt, would it?.

I had a blood test for Down’s syndrome when I was 14 weeks pregnant (the last possible day they could do it) this came back as negative but I had low levels of PAPPA which is a indicator that I might have placenta issues during my pregnancy such as pre eclampsia,placental abruption, premature birth or even fetal death.  I was informed at this point, over the phone that because of my test results I would be closely monotored throughout my pregnancy and I had to be re scanned every 4 weeks to check on her size (she was a little small but I am only 5ft 2inches so this wasn’t a massive shock) I was also told I would not be allowed to carry over 40 weeks. 

Everything was normal during my pregnancy until I was diagnosed with pre eclampsia at 36 weeks.  The condition had gotten to a dangerous stage so I was taken into hospital to be checked and the decision was made that I would be immediately  induced (on the day I supposed  getting my hair done in preparation!) like the little tyke I know and love she was a total nightmare, my body served her an eviction notice but she was a dirty squatter with zero intentions of leaving . 
With alex and my mum by my side I was in for a long battle!   3 pessaries and 3 synthetic oxytocin injections later and I was only 3cm dialated, the doctor broke my water hoping to quicken the labour but to no avail, apparently I have a ‘awkward womb’ that faces the wrong way that they realised,after 28 hours, was going to make natural labour almost impossible . Finally after 34 hours of trying, at 6am both baby and my body were in medical distress and I was taken in for an emergency C section.  

That was the weirdest experience of my life so far, a cheeky lower back Anestetetic injection made my bum go all warm then nothing, no sensation at all.  They lay me down and I started shaking uncontrollably (a side effect of the anestetic) it was so bizarre, laying down talking to alex behind a blue screen while trying to control the shaking which just didn’t happen.  I don’t know how long it took the team of surgeons to complete the task of removing TillyMae but it couldn’t have been more than 20 minutes, then I finally heard it…….the cry, the screech of an angry little human who was really pissed off that she had been removed from her cosy little haven, it didn’t stop they took her away to be cleaned, checked weighed and measured while I was being repaired and stitched up they became the soundtrack always playing. When she was put on my still quivering chest she was still sobbing (the kid still knows how to hold a grudge) my first words to her are etched in my mind I said ‘hello baby’ and the tears instantly stopped, it’s like she knew my voice, where she was and that it was ok.

I was released after 3 days to be taken back 3 days later after my routine midwife check because my pre eclampsia hadn’t gone it had actually worsened post childbirth.  I hadn’t thought much of the headache I had since having Tilly nothing shifted it and I assumed it was just my hormones sending my body haywire…WRONG! It turned  out my blood pressure was so dangerously high I was on the brink of a heart attack, nothing’s ever straight forward for me! I got rushed back to the post natal ward I had just left but I was put into a private room, apparently I needed silence and total calm to bring my it down.  I was allowed to take mouse into hospital with me but alex had taken his week paternity leave from work and other than visiting hours we were separated the whole time.  I finally got out over a week later and the rest is history.  

It is said you are supposed to love your child the second you lay eyes on them, a ‘special’ bond of love and between mother and child but to me in retrospect was the worst thing that could be said to an impending mother. I didn’t have these feelings, I didn’t unconditionally adore this tiny human and I felt awful because of it, I feared I wouldn’t feel love and I didn’t feel the feelings that were claimed i would. I was protective but not in love, this took a while, I am unsure how long but she grew on me until one day I just got it.  Tilly Mae now completes me, she is my everything and I love her unconditionally.

My message to impending first time mothers is to get checked if you don’t feel well and don’t EVER feel pressured into believing you automatically feel love it will come when you get to know your little bundle.  You are normal.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤