Honeymoon was life!

Honeymoon was life!


I am back from my honeymoon and feeling so renewed and refreshed. When we got married we asked for no gifts but if people wanted to bestow us with something a donation to our honeymoon fund would be appreciated (with 3 kids between us we would never have had the spare money).  Our guests were lovely and generous so we booked a fabulous 5 day, CHILD FREE break away to centreparcs, Whinfell Forest, Cumbria.  

It was lush spending some time alone with my husband especially to have the chance to go away! So with Tilly packed off to spend the week with her two aunties and plethora of cousins and tuna dog off for her own holiday with grandma and Alfie dog we were good to go.

We rode along on the motorbike which was so much fun but my back nearly died carrying the worlds biggest, heaviest backpack known to mankind (my makeup was defiantly not ALL the weight, but with the war paint I need it was a fair majority) .

I had to take a photo to include where we parked 😂

We stayed in 5 Lakeside Apartments. It’s was a luxury lakeside (bet you didn’t guess that one) studio apartment.  It was top notch so clean and Spacious that I could live there (if we didn’t have kids that is!). 

View from our seating area.
I could have tidied before I took a photo!!

Our days were filled with food, drink and having fun.

Husband handed my ass to me! I can’t bowl for shit!

During all of the fun I descovered that I am terrible at bowling and pool, however it also turns out my skills at pool (bowling not so much) greatly improve when I have a couple (or more) drinks.
Pool shark 🎱

Food was high, maybe even top of my agenda.  Other than my husband food is my soulmate.  If anyone is as interested in photographs of people’s food as much as I am you might enjoy a few of my photos.

Mango mojito 10/10 yum
Garlic mushrooms from cafe Rouge 9/10
Giant cream eclair
Chicken and sweetcorn omelette with garlic butter. 4/10 total disappointment, knew I should have gone for a waffle
Double cheeseburger from hucks 6/10 good burger just not epic

The wether was glorious the whole week, I’m not outdoorsy in the slightest, I don’t do outdoor activities and the thought of it actually fills me with dread, so some would say it’s lost on me but I was there for some R&R and that’s just what I got.  Went swimming twice which with the body issues I have is rather impressive, I took my glasses off to go in (I’m totally blind without them) so I couldn’t see any ones reaction (even though nobody was probably even looking!!) but in my world I was a brave girl!!

My Lord I’m so cool 😎
We were like kids again in the arcades, 10p machines are my rush…….I dream big lol, husband on the other hand liked the motorbike game #shocker! 

I NEED this KAWAII hello kitty air hockey table in my LIFE 😍😍
You can take the boy off the bike but you can never take the child out of the man.
 

I did however miss my little Mouse, we have barely been apart since the day she was born and we were surrounded by family’s It got progressively Worse as the time went on so  I made it my mission to win her a smurf on the grabby machine.  I was convinced they were rigged until we saw kids with some so it was GAME ON! At one point I was right on the brink and I could see a dad and his kid hovering to try and get on but hell no losers, back up smurfette was mine *insert villain laugh here.

No grabber can beat me!!

We had a fantastic time and we laughed so much, I defiantly married someone who can make me smile.

Greatest photobomb of all time!
Already looking forward to going back.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day!

My Mother’s Day card.

First off let me wish all my mothering readers a happy Mother’s Day.  A day where we get the recognition we totally deserve, well alongside doing all the other normal stuff we have to do everyday.

Mother’s Day doesn’t mean a stop for me.  It’s currently 7.07am (clocks have already gone forward remember!) and my tiny human, Tilly, has already barked her orders that she wants the iPad and a drink of milk in bed, pretty sure I should be the one being ran about after! 

Today I’m spending the day with some of my favourite women my mum and 2 sisters (alongside all of the respective people’s husbands/kids and dogs) and we are just having a get together and some KFC because a few weeks back we decided to have a day where we had to do nothing.  I’m sure you can all appreciate that today still involves, tidying the house, getting he kids sorted and general stuff that no one day can stop but I am doing as little as is humanly possible today!

I have a card, a bottle of wine and some Tilly made cupcakes for Mother’s Day and it’s more than I need.  Money’s always tight in the Fleck household but what we lack on money we more than make up for on madness, love and laughs. Mouse made me a beautiful cut out hand butterfly, which I have proudly displayed on the side of the fridge with all of the ‘picassoesque’ works of art and she brought me a daffodil back from little school on Thursday. It’s the little things that mean the world. 

If you have read my blog in the past you would probably know I never really wanted children but since falling pregnant and in the subsiquent years since I have realised that this is what I was made to do.

Being a mother to me is standing by TillyMae through every up and down, temperature and temper tantrum, supporting her individuality and loving her unconditionally .  I think me and her father have actually done a pretty awesome job so far, even if I do say so myself, she tells me 44,000 times a day that she loves me, that I’m beautiful and smart and gives out hugs and kisses like they are going out of favour.  She’s affectionate and passionate, moody and independent, intelligent and self assured and pretty much an amazing character.  I wish I had her compassion and conviction and she’s only 3 1/2 years old (going on 33!). Don’t get me wrong there have been times where I have wanted to put her out with the bins in the hopes they take her, days where I have locked myself in the bathroom and cried, where my anxiety mixed with the responsibility of keeping her alive AND well balanced have been crippling but those clouds pass and the sun comes out when I see her repeatedly dancing and singing to the opening theme tunes of her favourite shows, or she offers me her last sweety or bite of cake.

I hope you all have a great day and are treat like the queens you all are. Never forget you are amazing, you are doing the hardest job on the planet and nailing it.  One day your babies will be grown and have babies of their own to pass on the skills YOU have taught them, well done you. Plus when it all goes totally tits up I find wine helps.
Signing 0ff with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄

Being mum is kicking my ass today!

Being mum is kicking my ass today!

Holy crap today has been a hard one so far and it’s only teatime!

Sums today up.

Today has consisted of the following things

  • Being woken up at a time I didn’t even realise existed!
  • Mouse decided that ‘something scary’ might happen in the bathroom if she goes alone and refuses to let daddy take her!
  • Put on then quickly removed her costume for world book day (pretty sure Skye from paw patrol isn’t a book so 10/10 for shit mum skills)
  • Pooped in her nickers 
  • Decided not to wear a nappy as she wanted to make Pam @ little school happy ( Pam works at Tilly’s little school and is also my friend outside)
  • Had a poop in said pants again on the walk to school.
  • Had a Jesus of all meltdowns until I cleaned her up IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING ROAD.
  • She refused to walk any further than the doctors as she ‘has a temperature’ (aka she likes to play with the waiting room toys)
  •  Arrived at little school and demanded her costume on (had it in the bag, not falling for that again sucker!!)
  • Came home did the housework STILL didn’t have time to watch the final episode of TABOO (don’t worry Mr Hardy I’m saving you!!)
  • Daddy went to work leaving me to pick mouse up.
  • Collected mouse, she refused to leave instead she showed me EVERY toy in the room.
  • Turned out she had a poo on her book day costume, which also had to be handwashed (DONE).
  • She rode home on her little pink bike which took 50 minutes (20 minute walk usually).
  • Then just had a poop in her pants again, I’m sick of telling her she needs to tell me.

So that’s today so far so mammys opening the pink vino and toking on my e cig like I’m a freaking steam engine.  Day 2 of no smoking was a pig but still trying!!

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄

Is that my biological clock ticking?

Is that my biological clock ticking?



So we are finally in a settled routine with Tilly and the boys.  School, pickups, drop offs and even the minor things are ironed out and I am a massive fan of routine and I like everything just so.

I went to the doctors who have diagnosed me with abdominal migraines and they have said that I need the coil fitted as my pill is a massive contributing factor to my illness which has stirred up some unknown feelings inside me about having babies.

I am nearly 34 and Tilly will be 4 this year with her brothers being 6 and 11 respectively, if I want another baby now is the time to do it, I’m getting on and when I have the coil fitted it will be in for 3 years and I wouldn’t take it out to try. 

Alex is content to not have anymore but if I wanted to try he would be 100% on board with my decision.  I’m totally torn on the idea.  On one hand I have mouse begging me for a baby sister (she has no idea we don’t choose) and then on the flip side I don’t know if I could go back to the disruption and intensity of having a newborn so I have decided to do what I do what I do best and that’s to make a pro/cons list 

Pros 

  • A live in sibling for mouse.
  • Having a little human who needs us as much as mouse.
  • Carrying a baby inside me, other than the indigestion it was the most amazing experience I have had as a woman.
  • Tilly would have a full time live in sibling.
  • WHO DOESNT LOVE A BABY!!

Cons 

  • Cost (baby’s are expensive)
  • Space (we have a 3 bedroom home, 1 for us, 1 for mouse and 1 for the boys when they come over.
  • Just getting my life back.
  • My dreams of a career change would be on hold again.
  • My age, I wish I had mouse earlier.

I fear my heart is trying to overrule my head.  I never wanted children yet here we are with 3 between us and another seems crazy when I say it out loud but some of the most important humans in my life are my two amazing sisters, my life would be nothing without their love and support and my heart aches that mouse won’t have that relationship, if her siblings lived closer I think my worries would be eased.

This blog isn’t really helping my cause, I’m just as confused as when I started so fingers crossed a decision just comes to me. I know everyone has their thoughts on the matter both to and against but this is solely one only myself and my husband can finally come to.  So who knows what this year will hold for the Flecks.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄

I will never do THAT when I’m a mum…..


When younger, free of kids and the responsibility that goes with it we can so easily look at other mothers and say,

“I will NEVER do that when I’m a mother”

The flip side of this simple thought is something completely different.  It’s easy to sit back with your full nights sleep and ‘me’ time and idealise that you will be some kind of Snow whitesque parent but In all reality when it comes down to it you will do ANYTHING for a easy and peaceful life.

I was sat in the doctors waiting room yesterday with a woman who was heavily pregnant and her son who was about to turn one.  He was running around and being a typical kid but you could see she was anxious at people’s looks.  Me and my sister struck up a conversation with her as she bribed her son into sitting in his pushchair with the promise of a lollipop.  She was making a point of telling us that it was a ‘treat’ and that ‘he doesn’t normally get sweets.  I stopped her in her tracks and explained what we have kids and she didn’t have to explain herself to us, as trust us we understand.

Some days your kids are being proper douchey,they are just in a mood for no sane reason where they don’t want to eat, they cry, they are overly clingy and at this point there is only so long you can remain calm before chucking a packet of gummy bears to them just to make it stop, even if it is for 5 minute while they demolish the sugary treat like tiny cannibals.  

The other day Tilly woke up crying and I knew I was in for a day from hell before I even got out of bed.  She was sobbing her heart out and when i asked her what was wrong apparently I had ruined her life because I don’t let her go in the bath wearing a swimming costume!!? I mean come on kid what the actual hell are you talking about, this has never even been a discussion but hell if it makes you happy and stops the crying let me grab a vatt of tea and I will run you a bath feel free to wear what you fancy.  By the time we went downstairs she found my iPad and put on max and ruby (I have many issues with this programme, where’s their parents for a start) and she totally forgot about the mornings meltdown a mere 10 minutes prior!

Many Kids are weird eaters and mine is no exception.  She’s a non eater, she has no appetite at all (apart from ‘treats’), so when she asks for something I feed her it but in a typical day she survives of rice crispies, crumpets, chicken nuggets and a variation of other crap.  She will rub her tummy and say ‘I’m hungry’ when I say what do you want she always says ‘sweets’, well your not really hungry then are you little mate!  

She LOVES YouTube, I mean loves it, potentially more than she loves me.  I would always say, ‘I’m not having my child watch that trash’ now I’m SO on board with the gods of tube.  It teaches her so much and makes her happy.  It’s not like she’s on it 24/7 but if it gets me a extra hour in bed in the morning well I’m not stupid, sign me up.

I used to feed Tilly Crisps in her pushchair when going around the shops if it stopped her from having the mother of all meltdowns and I’m not even ashamed.

She is allowed to think she runs the show when needed but in all reality she knows who’s boss, just ask her she always responds with ‘mummy’s the boss’.

My daughter is fierce and independent and I allow much more than I ever thought I would but trust me I now realise I had some twisted notion that I would be some kind tattooed stepford wife when in reality during my short period of being a mum so far I have sneaked a bar or two of chocolate into the toilet, locked the door and eaten it while Tilly’s been pounding on the other side just for a minute to regain my sanity, it ain’t glamorous but needs must when the devil drives.

The make believe movie adaptation of motherhood now makes me laugh, most of us are lucky to function and if it takes bribery, trickery and all the handed down magic to make it work then that’s just what we will do.  The reality never fits the ideal and I have the support of my husband so when I see single mothers/fathers holding their own I want to hug them and congratulate them on having the strength and surviving.

I love my kids but don’t get me wrong I’m getting my own back with 5am starts and uncontrollable hysterics when they are teens, it’s character building.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄

Am I losing my mind?

Am I losing my mind?

Today’s blog is about something that scares me about myself more than anything and that’s my memory loss.  My memory has been noticeably decreasing in its capabilities for about the last 10 years and the last few years its has increasingly becoming something I’m aware of.  I have mentioned it in passing to my loved ones but never really in any depth, I tend to bury my head in the sand when it comes to serious matters so not to trigger my anxiety but this might bring me to the next step in the knowledge on what’s happpening to me.

I know people say ‘oh I can’t remember that long ago’ but my memory loss is becoming a cause for concern.  I cannot hold onto memories, non important and important details of life.  It’s a scary place to be and if I’m honest I’m petrified as I know it’s not just ‘normal’ memory loss. 

Small examples of some of the things I mean.

  • I cannot remember what has happened in a movie I have watched within a couple of hours of watching it.
  • I have no recollection of going to events that I apparently have attended (e.g. Ricky Gervais stand up with my sister, totally zero memory it ever happened and I love him so I wish I remembered)
  • People ask me about pivotal things that have happened in my daughters life and I have no idea, I don’t recall at all her first crawl, words, birthdays and christmases.
  • I don’t know what movies I have seen, books I have read as I remember only a couple (e.g. I know my favourite book is George orwells 1984 and I know I have read it multiple times as I read one copy to tatters and had repurchase yet I cannot recollect what happens in it, I remember a couple of small details but other than that it’s like I have never read it)
  • I ask the same question multiple times without realising it (is it Monday today?) and I only become aware when I am told.

If I have memories they are like snapshots.  I said to alex when we got married that I was so glad we had a videographer and a photographer for our wedding and we joked that I wouldn’t remember it but I know In my heart I won’t remember 99% by the time my first anniversary comes around in November as it’s already slipping away.

I’m scared to talk about it, I’m scared that I sound like I am being dramatic, as if it’s going to sound stupid when it comes out of mouth.  I’m scared I’m losing my mind but To a degree that I feel this is not normal. 

I am in a really strange place where I don’t know what are my actual memories from what I am appropriating from photographs I have seen.   I tend to see my memories as still images, It’s now very rare that I have moving memories of pretty much anything.  It’s so difficult to explain.  

The most painful part is that I don’t remember anything about a lot of people from my past.  I know names and faces and I obviously know we are friends but I have no memories of interacting with them to the point that we gained that relationship and that really upsets me.

I have tried googling my symptoms but that just leads given a slippery path of guess work, uncertainty and probably thinking the worst so I stopped pretty early on.  However due to my lack of faith in my doctor I feel uneasy sharing this with her as I am already in a complicated relationship of mistrust so where do I go from here?  

I would appreciate anyone’s advice or even just a shared story.  They say the first step is the hardest so I hope by getting this out into the world that this is my first step to a more positive and less frightening future.  

I cannot thank you all enough for listening to me rant on about my useless brain function.  Thank you all for sticking by me.  Personally to my husband Alex, thank you for answering my questions regardless of how many times that day I have repeated it with no judgment, no calling me out and with unparalleled love in your heart.  I asked him a few days ago what he would do if I lost my memory and his answer was so honest and without a seconds hesitation was to ‘love you regardless’,  with support like that my life journey is one I cherish regardless of what may come.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄

The 10 musical soundtracks to my life so far.

Music has always played a massive part of my life, i have worked in a music shop for over 10 years so it has acted as a soundtrack for some of my most impact I’ve moments.  Here’s 10 of the songs that are important to me.

  1. Lorde- Royals, this was the number one song in the charts when my daughter Tilly Mae was born.  It was played everywhere at the time and will always remind me of that moment of my life.
  2. Hozier – Take me to church.  This was the song I walked down the aisle to on my wedding day.  The words are so impactive to me, it still makes me emotional when I hear it.
  3. Daddy Yankee – Gasolina.  This reggaton hit never fails to make me smile and dance. It makes me think of amazing times of drinking rum (run Thursday) with my friend JBaz. We always have the most fun when we hang out.
  4. Lady Gaga – poker face.  This song along with the whole ‘monster’ album reminds me of going to Japan.  I was so shocked that she was unknown when I went to Tokyo and while I was there here career really took off and all of the clubs played it.
  5. Prince – Purple Rain.  This isn’t particularly my favourite Prince song (I’m a huge fan) but it was the song that first introduced me to the little purple one.  It’s also Tilly’s favourite, it warms my heart everytime she hears the first cord of the guitar and her little face lights up.  It was a pivotal moment to see him play this when I saw him live at the 02 arena in London.
  6. The Contours – Do you love me.  I love every song from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack but this one was also mine and my husbands first dance on our big day.  We even had a little dance routine, which of you know my husband was a massive fear overcome.
  7. John Legend -Refuge.  This reminds me of a really hard time in my life and it the words were so important to me when I really needed to be strong.
  8. Coyote Shivers – Sugarhigh.  From one of my favourite ever movies Empire Records,  like one of the plot lines I always wanted to be a singer but never had the guts to stand up and sing In front of people, after a conversation with a friend a few days ago it looks like this is closer to a reality than I thought.
  9. Paul Simon- father and daughter.  This songs lyrics always make me think of my relationship with my dad.  I am and always have been a daddy’s girl, tears me up every time.  
  10. Mary Mary – Shackles (Praise you).  This song takes me back to a time in life when I lived in my first own home. The specific memory it’s tied to is of me walking home from my job at HMV silverlink and the weather was warm and I never wanted it to end.  I always go back there when I hear it.

I love that music pin points us to such feelings and emotions, that take us to the best and worst moments of life .  Life for me wouldn’t be the same without music it was harder to choose the music to go in our wedding than it was choosing my dress.

These songs are not songs that I listen to all the time nor are they all songs I would particularly listen to if I was stranded on a desert island but they are 10 that mean something to me personally, they have become part of the fabric of my life timeline.
Do you have songs that have changed your life or stir up certain memories? I would love to hear about them.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄