Times are a changing

Times are a changing

Hi everyone,

How the heck are you all? I apologise that I have not written in a while but my lord life is all hectic and so much is changing.

So I started my new job a few months back and it’s all been mental since then.  I am living my dreams working for smashbox cosmetics in Newcastle.  I just love it, helping people feel beautiful is such a fulfilling job.  I have always loved makeup and to be working within the industry is something special to me.  Come see me if you want your face beautified or just fancy learning some new tips and tricks. 


So the next big thing is Tilly Maes start at big girl nursery which happens this coming Friday.  I am a emotionally overwhelmed by it but happy don’t get me wrong.  I just can’t believe that the time is finally here where my little girl starts her own journey.  I have been around her everyday and me and her dad are the main influencers in her life and now she’s going out into the big wide world to make her own friends, form her own opinions and in a way lead a little life and do things I will never see.  To me that’s so mind blowing.  On the other hand I get to go and get some of my personal life back now too which means I will probably work more and take on more freelance jobs.


I have a lot of new life ideas happening and I am not taking no for an answer anymore, this family is ready! 

I feel like something big is coming and although I don’t know what it is yet I am so ready.  Life is exciting and I cannot wait to see what the next chapter holds, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life so get on board for the journey.  We are destined for great things, I can feel it,  we have worked so hard for so long and struggled that I feel we are so deserving of all the new fabulous stuff that is happening.

Signing off with love and lipstick 

Pip 💋🖤💄

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Do you ever think of me.  A open letter to my teen bullies.

Do you ever think of me.  A open letter to my teen bullies.

Hello, do you remember me?

I am the girl that nobody noticed except you and your friends.  You did not notice me because I am kind, patient, loving and accepting but because I looked different. You didn’t choose to get to know me you chose to target me.

Do you ever think of me? What happened to me? How your words and actions affected me?

I can tell you I am well infact my life has worked itself out to be a thing of beauty but no thanks to you all.  I have lifelong fears and doubts about myself that never would have existed without you.  I looked different, it didn’t mean I was a ‘freak’, I liked things you did not this did not mean ‘I deserved it’.

You made my life misery, when I think of that time my world has so muddy and grey with sadness and uncertainty.  I used to fake illness to be sent home rather than have to face you and endure the words you would call me in constant hushed tones so the teacher wouldn’t hear and I would pray the teacher wouldn’t be called out of the room because when this did happen you would send out the call to the others in the class and you would all start on me. You would hit me with ruler, spit at me and throw things among other threats.

I understand now how strong I actually was because you didn’t break me, you could have but I was stronger than that. I can see how people commit suicide because of bullying as I felt I had nowhere to turn even though I have a very loving and supportive family I felt  I couldn’t open up or it would get worse. I only ever made one attempt at getting help. I reached out to a male teacher of importance and without a second thought he replied with ‘what do you think will happen when you dress like that’ ans nothing more was ever mentioned.  I am so thankful that social media didn’t exist or I am unsure of the outcome.  I know bullying is a focus within schools these days but as one of the bullied this only works if it’s seen or heard, my scenario went totally unnoticed.  I was finally caught out by my mum who pinned in a corner and could see through all of the excuses I made until I let the wall down and admitted what was happening.

The impact you have had on me is so significant, my life has been changed because of you but on a positive I am even more accepting of others, more open to new and different things but I will not allow you to take credit for that because it was all me.

I forgive you for what you did to me, I often wonder what made you all so cruel wether you were mistreated from someone?  I hope your life is good that you protect any children you may have and teach them to be better than you were.  Above all else I hope you realise what you did and think about it from time to time with regret.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄

Have a little faith in yourself, you are enough.

Have a little faith in yourself, you are enough.

All of my life I strived to be happy, i ran from anything that didn’t sit right or even slightly felt as if it wasn’t going my way.  Filling life with as much joy as I can cram into my 5 ft 2 body was and always will be, other than my family the driving force in my existence and I feel after 34 years I am finally in a place of self achieved contentment, I am married, I have an amazing family who I love and love me just a feircely and a circle of friends who I would stand with through any battle and a job I love.  This is what I was searching for but not particularly what I thought would bring happiness so be open to the unexpected.

I have recently taken the massive new step, especially considering I usually hate change and finally after 11 years at HMV and gotten myself a brand shiney new job.  I can proudly say that I work for smashbox cosmetics and get to surround myself with makeup all day.  I was past believing that you can start again, that life goes my way sometimes which makes me even more appreciative.  I have always loved makeup and have even gained distinctions at college so I am beyond thrilled in my new job.  I have been welcomed with open hearts by my new work mates which makes everything so much easier.

Anyway I am getting away from my point.  I do and always will have insecurities but they pale in significance to the great things that can be achieved in everyday life.  Life truely did start for me at 30 and here I am 34 and finally living.  I am so excited for the future and look  forward to ticking more things off my newly formed ‘bucket list’ (I have even saved a list on my phone) because I can and I will drive myself to be better, to gain happiness to fill my life with the things I need and want, no more putting it on the back burner.  My dreams vary from small to large but I will be going to IMATS next spring, I will be attending the hyper Japan festival in London next year all of this along side learning some new things, My mother always said that I would be a life long student.  I want to learn how to drive, to learn a new language, to take my little mouse to Disney for her Halloween birthday in a few years and anything else that sparks my interest.  

Alway remember to dream big and live even bigger. You are worthy of good things so grab them and embrace it all because sometimes life is really shitty so while it’s good make it great. 

I need to keep my mind in this frame and keep myself motivated so here we go and I will drop in with my little achievements along the way.  I hope you all share with me your life goals and let’s all move forward and grab life by the balls.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day!

My Mother’s Day card.

First off let me wish all my mothering readers a happy Mother’s Day.  A day where we get the recognition we totally deserve, well alongside doing all the other normal stuff we have to do everyday.

Mother’s Day doesn’t mean a stop for me.  It’s currently 7.07am (clocks have already gone forward remember!) and my tiny human, Tilly, has already barked her orders that she wants the iPad and a drink of milk in bed, pretty sure I should be the one being ran about after! 

Today I’m spending the day with some of my favourite women my mum and 2 sisters (alongside all of the respective people’s husbands/kids and dogs) and we are just having a get together and some KFC because a few weeks back we decided to have a day where we had to do nothing.  I’m sure you can all appreciate that today still involves, tidying the house, getting he kids sorted and general stuff that no one day can stop but I am doing as little as is humanly possible today!

I have a card, a bottle of wine and some Tilly made cupcakes for Mother’s Day and it’s more than I need.  Money’s always tight in the Fleck household but what we lack on money we more than make up for on madness, love and laughs. Mouse made me a beautiful cut out hand butterfly, which I have proudly displayed on the side of the fridge with all of the ‘picassoesque’ works of art and she brought me a daffodil back from little school on Thursday. It’s the little things that mean the world. 

If you have read my blog in the past you would probably know I never really wanted children but since falling pregnant and in the subsiquent years since I have realised that this is what I was made to do.

Being a mother to me is standing by TillyMae through every up and down, temperature and temper tantrum, supporting her individuality and loving her unconditionally .  I think me and her father have actually done a pretty awesome job so far, even if I do say so myself, she tells me 44,000 times a day that she loves me, that I’m beautiful and smart and gives out hugs and kisses like they are going out of favour.  She’s affectionate and passionate, moody and independent, intelligent and self assured and pretty much an amazing character.  I wish I had her compassion and conviction and she’s only 3 1/2 years old (going on 33!). Don’t get me wrong there have been times where I have wanted to put her out with the bins in the hopes they take her, days where I have locked myself in the bathroom and cried, where my anxiety mixed with the responsibility of keeping her alive AND well balanced have been crippling but those clouds pass and the sun comes out when I see her repeatedly dancing and singing to the opening theme tunes of her favourite shows, or she offers me her last sweety or bite of cake.

I hope you all have a great day and are treat like the queens you all are. Never forget you are amazing, you are doing the hardest job on the planet and nailing it.  One day your babies will be grown and have babies of their own to pass on the skills YOU have taught them, well done you. Plus when it all goes totally tits up I find wine helps.
Signing 0ff with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄

New world Tech kids.

New world Tech kids.

The topic of children having to much exposure to technology, social media and the internet is a definite modern day parenting dilemma. 

When I was a young girl we weren’t rich, we didn’t have sky and in the late eighties Computers were primitive and internet dial up was slow and not Reilly available  so it’s not really comparable to modern life but we played out in the street or the next street up without parental supervision.  I remember getting in from school, getting changed and going straight out to knock on my mates.  Mum would stand at the garden gate and shout of us when tea was ready then out again until bathtime.  

A lot of the time both my generation, who are now the parents glamourise the life of playing out and even the now grandparents look back on our childhoods as ‘carefree’ but what has to be taken into consideration in a modern day setting is how much of it was carefree and how much of it was just lack of information.

I will start by saying I would never let my child play out unsupervised until she was of an age to fully comprehend the dangers.  That’s just my personal opinion but I have seen kids of about 6 years old playing out at 8pm around where I live and over my dead body would that happen with mine.  I think that’s just irresponsible parenting. 

All of the children I know have games consoles, computers and internet access in their homes and spend a large chunk of their spare time using them.  People get all upset that the ‘kids of today’ are always looking at a screen but in reality the truth is that this is just the future.  

Parents should not complain about their kids spending so much time online without looking at their own actions, most adults are addicted to their phones and there capabilities.  Our existence revolves around it, we talk and post photographs on social media rather than talk in person.  We verify everything with google or Siri and save ourself the hassle of leaving the house to do the dreaded weekly shop with the kids by taping a few buttons while partaking in a glass of wine.
The internet is a modern day window to the world which to children it is just something that has been integral.

How long is spent on gaming consoles and iPads etc and what is exposed to your children via the internet is a completely separate issue.  Everything’s great in moderation but honestly this is a generation of lazy parenting and I’m just as guilty as the next of doing this.  I have dishes to wash,  a child toy whirlwind to pick up or I just want 5 minutes to sit and drink a cup of tea while it’s still hot so I give Tilly the iPad and she sits and watches YouTube, for 10 minutes she is quiet, still, peaceful and doesn’t shout ‘mummy’ constantly like she’s the dictator of her own little country of one subject.  I am usually around to keep an eye on what she sees but obviously we ant be around 24/7 and need to teach internet. As well as personal responsibility.  There have been times where she watches annoying bratty ‘bad baby’ videos of kids just being total rats and they get switched off because it does have a negative effect on her mood and behaviour, trust me I have witnessed it.

My steppy james is 11 and he has a Xbox and a PS3 in his room that all 3 kids play on, daddy has a PS4 in the front room that that all play on .  We watch movies and listen to music on other devices and phones because I’m not going to lie we love it.  

The thing about social media is this, wether you like it or not,  a lot of the bad stuff in the world was happening before we just have instant and easy access to the information now.  We are able to connect with people we once would never have and especially when children are concerned we need to remain as vigilant about teaching them about ‘stranger danger’ online  just as we would in real life.

Overall, technology goes hand in hand with modern life and if anything it’s only going to gain momentum, as parents we must get behind the movement while keeping both ourselves and our children informed of the dangers but never forget that life is for living and switching off and interacting with each other is the most important part of life.

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄 

“Opinions are like arseholes, everyones got one” 

“Opinions are like arseholes,  everyones got one” 

In today’s society social media and online life is EVERYTHING, from the kids like my children who spend time on sites like YouTube to myself, who use multiple sites simultaneously up to my parents and older who use platforms such as Facebook.
I think that a presence online is a crucial part of my existence.  Obviously I use WordPress for my blogging, Facebook not only to socialize with family and friends but as a way of connecting with amazing new people I normally would never of had the opportunity to connect with.  I also use Instagram to keep up to date with all of the latest news snippets from my favourite brands, celebrities, friends and family. While on Twitter I hold both a personal and blog site. That’s just the forms of social media I use in a regular basis.  

While online I have noticed in a increasingly alarming rate just how openly people speak to others with total disregard of feelings and 90% of the time without the facts.  Theres nothing I hate more than pompous idiots who think that its ‘my way or the highway’ when it comes to opinions.

Everybody has the right to indulge themselves online with a cheeky slice outward sharing, in both words and pictures and alot of the time we share our inner most feelings especially within specific pages and groups where we feel secure.  Facebook has a plethera of pages for every kind of interest where likeminded people meet and share interests from makeup and food to sheep shearing and hamster gymnastics (i made that one up but i bet it exists) basically something for everyone.

A few of the pages I’m in allow people to submit, anonymously, very private and sometimes secret  matters to get an outsiders opinion, things like women asking  which of two men look most like there baby, or what to do about obviously cheating spouses with such topics sparking extreme reactions people are always going to give there two cents and feel free to give it with disregard of people under the guise that ‘they asked’ when in reality they are humans and deserve to be treat like that regardless of situation.

I am part of many makeup groups and the comments i see on posted  photographs are shocking, sexist and dehumanising all because a girl or boy likes the art of painting their face to feel good about themselves or just to express creativity.  So you dont like the way they look for whatever reason what he hell does it matter to you? do you have to live with this person? why does it upset you to the point that comments need to be made in a vain attempt to crush someone.  Unfortunatly i have noticed a massive influx of people trolling lately and being nasty and often disgusting to theres just for the sake of stirring.  Faceless People are so brave behind keyboards and as largely unpoliced they are allowed to spout vile and often degrading crap without having to deal with the fallout.  They don’t have to deal with the person on the other side to see the hurt in their eyes, the anger they cause, the anxiety that crippled and even in desperate and heartbreaking cases the suicide those most severely effected.

I recently read a status from a beautiful lady, who I will call ‘S’.  This was a public status put up for those who are a part of the group.  This is someone who i have never met in person but whos life i follow closely through social media and i know her and engage with her on a personal level along with a few from the same page.  She shares her life, family, passions and struggles with others openly on her group page and really puts herself out there.  ‘S’ lives on a farm and has a daugter a little younger than mine.  She has bought her some baby chicks to help raise for eggs and was showing us how her daughter reacted to her new friends.  The whole point behind it is to show and teach her daughter to respect animals and to watch them grow and lay eggs and how it becomes food.  Basically our part in the chain of life while teaching how to care for animals.  REMEMBERING ‘S’ already has chickens on her farm i thought it a smart move but one woman decided to snake all over the post.  This one smartarse who i shall call ‘ShiftyV’ decided to take it upon herself to go on a one woman trolling mission against ‘S’ being condescending and bitchy trying to tell anyone how much ‘S’ was ‘exploiting animals’ how she was ‘using them for your own gain’ (well she already stated she was raising them for eggs?!) and how she was ‘not sorry for caring more about animals than your feelings’ (the whole converstaion was just an esculation of her defensivness and dickbagery).  She was being a complete douche, throwing around the fact she was vegan as an excuse to be rude, disrespectful and forcing her opinions on others.  She was basically going on a witchunt in an attempt to make ‘S’ feel bad, to make her feel as if she was doing something wrong, rather than just sharing that she had an opposing opinion.  The whole scinario was just insane, its not like someone had randomly just bought some chicks on a whim, thrown them at her child and told her to crack on (excuse the pun).  I hate when radicals use the term to bully and pressure others.

I feel many people use social media for a similar reason I write my blog, to make others feel a little less alone, a community, no matter how weird and hard our lives seem no matter the differing backgrounds and adversitys we have faced, we have twin souls all over the world.  That is what social media should be used for, for unity for love and friendship.  In this day and age nobody should ever be made to feel alone with a world full of people to communicate with but the human condition of competition, bitterness and jelously .

So next time you see someone trolling, stand up and say something.  That could be your loved one and likewise if you know the troll personally call them out.  Be better, choose better, feel self worth, inner strength and help educate those less caring.  Like my mother taught me ‘if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything.

 

Signing off with love and lipstick.

Pip

 

 

 

Being mum is kicking my ass today!

Being mum is kicking my ass today!

Holy crap today has been a hard one so far and it’s only teatime!

Sums today up.

Today has consisted of the following things

  • Being woken up at a time I didn’t even realise existed!
  • Mouse decided that ‘something scary’ might happen in the bathroom if she goes alone and refuses to let daddy take her!
  • Put on then quickly removed her costume for world book day (pretty sure Skye from paw patrol isn’t a book so 10/10 for shit mum skills)
  • Pooped in her nickers 
  • Decided not to wear a nappy as she wanted to make Pam @ little school happy ( Pam works at Tilly’s little school and is also my friend outside)
  • Had a poop in said pants again on the walk to school.
  • Had a Jesus of all meltdowns until I cleaned her up IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING ROAD.
  • She refused to walk any further than the doctors as she ‘has a temperature’ (aka she likes to play with the waiting room toys)
  •  Arrived at little school and demanded her costume on (had it in the bag, not falling for that again sucker!!)
  • Came home did the housework STILL didn’t have time to watch the final episode of TABOO (don’t worry Mr Hardy I’m saving you!!)
  • Daddy went to work leaving me to pick mouse up.
  • Collected mouse, she refused to leave instead she showed me EVERY toy in the room.
  • Turned out she had a poo on her book day costume, which also had to be handwashed (DONE).
  • She rode home on her little pink bike which took 50 minutes (20 minute walk usually).
  • Then just had a poop in her pants again, I’m sick of telling her she needs to tell me.

So that’s today so far so mammys opening the pink vino and toking on my e cig like I’m a freaking steam engine.  Day 2 of no smoking was a pig but still trying!!

Signing off with love and lipstick,

Pip 💋🖤💄